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Old Jun 08, 2020, 08:01 PM
walkingby walkingby is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: europe
Posts: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Not all guys want what you may deem "pretty" for a partner. And what one person considers pretty or attractive, another person may not have the same opinion. For example, it is thought that Julia Roberts is VERY attractive, yet you would be surprised to learn that many men think she is actually ugly and call her "horse face".

Also, not all men want some flashy female partner either. Often a man finds a down to earth plainer, no make up, no flashy clothes type woman more attractive. There could be something about this woman that her boyfriend/partner finds irresistable that you would NEVER even consider. My grandmother was no real beauty and just petite and average, and she snagged a man that no one thought she would get and I found out that my grandfather was CRAZY about her pretty ankles. That was the main "it" thing for him.

Actually, I have seen lots of very handsome men with women who are very earthy and plain and not the hollywood ideal of what to consider the "ideal beautiful woman". Also, perhaps this woman IS a genuinely nice person, and her SO loves that about her. People can be attractive and VERY shallow and self absorbed in a way that really isn't long term relationship material.

Honestly? After a while even a very attractive person can get BORING if they have no depth to them. Someone that has more to them, like being able to sit and have a deep conversation with about life, and so many "interesting" things that makes spending time with them so much more rewarding can have more beauty that's so much more fulfilling.

Now, I can respect your desire to want to understand what "behaviors" mean when you see someone that stands out to you, that is "different" in some way. It is that desire to want to understand different behaviors that went into the study of human behaviors where we actually began to label certain behavior patterns in people. People do tend to like to define things, even label them as a way to learn how to deal and react to certain individuals to self protect and better understand in some way.

Actually, it's very possible you developed this interest because you saw behaviors in your parents that affected you in some unhealthy ways, so you want to finally understand WHY your parents engage in these behaviors. Your mother is a very unhappy woman, struggles just to function, and your father has really never been faithful and has been more interested in self satisfying and is perhaps narcissistic. And you are eager to distance from them but you have mentioned how the boyfriend you have can actually be mean to you and treat you badly. Yet, you are still with him? Well, you are probably at a point in your life where you are observing other people and comparing how they behave to what you have experienced. Could be that subconsciously, you don't want to end up like your mother. Well, your mother's generation tended to stay married and lived by a very different lifestyle than what is taking place now.

This woman that stands out to you so much may not be as insecure as you may think. Maybe she doesn't care for the kind of people she encounters at certain gatherings. It's also possible that her child has challenges that you don't even know about. I have a business that puts me in many different groups of families. I have met mothers of children that do have challenges and they are very particular about the kind of children they are comfortable having their child interact with. I have done many gatherings where the children all had challenges with being on the autism spectrum for example, and these mothers spend much more time with these children and do tend to be careful about the children they expose their child to. Also, having a child with challenges can increase in women who decide to have a child when they are older.

Truth is, there are often many variables that you can't see just by someone's posting on a social site. You are observing from a bit of a distance and you don't really know this woman personally. For myself, I have met SO MANY families over the years that once I have learned "more" about certain families, a lot more makes sense.

I know not all guys want pretty faces and beauty is (to some extent) subjective. That's something you could tell her. Not me. Yes, everyone can be horrible despite the face. I don't even understand why all of you think is such an offense to mention that a person that displays insecurity (yes, 11 years exaggerating a bond that should be just the normal bond any kid has with their parents is unhealthy, but apparently 99% of the people who for some reason decided to comment on this post - I guess something in the title triggered you - can't see how unhealthy it is) can also see herself in disadvantage with other girls, therefore explaining some part of the insecurity. It would be simple to say: no, everyone perceives themselves as beautiful so that is never a reason for anyone to feel insecure. Sure. Unfortunately it's not true.

Thank you for your time to read my other posts and trying to elaborate a (what you like to call) "diagnose". I'm fine with your interpretation.

I agree. I've been seeing how my parents really are now that I'm an adult with some knowledge in psychology and yes, they seem to be narcissists. My father is verbally abusive, he was raised by what I found out to be a very narcissist (abused and mistreated) mother. My mother on the other hand can be either narcissist or almost borderline, since the pattern of behaviors she has been showing more and more lately may point to that, and are consistent with how she behaved since I know her. And now I can see how insecure and manipulative she is. And yes, my boyfriend is almost a sociopath. He's better now, because thanks to my research in narcissism, psychopathy and abusive men and relationships I managed to learn how to deal with him and make him more controlled and feel safe. But some things won't change. But since I have such parents, whose behaviors are now more evident to me, that may well be the reason why I choose sociopaths and narcissists.

But these traits are not the reason why I like psychology. I always had an interest on human behavior because I'm a social creature, smart and observant. That's something that my parents encouraged. Free thinking, seeing all the angles, and trying to put myself in others shoes. (therefore, I need to understand them).

About the woman in question. Yes, she is extremely insecure to a point that is unhealthy. Thankfully psychology has been studying these behaviors so people like me can understand where we live.

In the middle of all these triggered comments I got my answers from balanced people: Insecurity, enmeshment and anxious attachment. Seems to fit.

(I really don't understand what ticked you so much, maybe you relate with her unhealthiness somehow or you believe that anyone who has kids is allowed to be however they want. Except when anyone complains about their mothers - you know, it's a psychforum: I bet there are hundreds of people here asking for help on how to deal or cope with abusive or clingy parents - now I'm sure you're all there commenting "she loves you, so what? leave your mother alone").