I don't like my moms new bf. My mom is basically starving herself so she can be really skinny and drinking too much alcohol.

She's almost 60 and is becoming a narcissist and wanting to look young and defy aging or fight the natural life fact that we get old. She can't do this because she has severe heart conditions. Last week my sister had to drive home and get her beta blocker because she was feeling dizzy from staying up until 5am, drinking, walking too far when I said to turn back - She doesn't listen.

To be fair she has cancer although she just wants me to remember her as a complete mess because idk if she'll make it to 60. I need to get out of here and make a life for myself sooner than I thought.

I can't tell my dad because he makes her upset by not wanting to give her money. My sister is going to go to university - Good for her. I wish I didn't have to walk out of class and tell the principal that I wanted to walk in front of a truck.

I'm sitting her listening to depressing music while she talks to a man - Who I was going to without a doubt, knock out if he walked out the door while I was in psychosis - But he didn't. He stayed inside.

My doctor says that I should relax with the meds and that he let me be in control and has known me for over 2 years. I don't like that attitude. I'm going to make an appointment with my psychiatrist. So far I'm almost on the right meds - Thanks to my intuition and insight.

I fear that stimulant abuse recked my heart because if I stay up for 24 hours, it beats fast and I need sleep for it to function properly. I don't know how long I'll live either.

I want to call my therapist tomorrow and make a time to talk to her when my mom isn't here. Whenever I want to talk to my therapist, I have nothing to say. Usually when I have a lot of thoughts, it's at night.

I'm not going hiking with my mom tomorrow. I can't be around her girlfriends making the weirdest sexual comments around me and reckless drinking and prescription pill use etc.. Like that woman always doing cocaine in my bathroom next to my room.

This is just a fling of life and the mountains and scenery don't look so great to me when I've been a victim of neglect and mind control for her immigrant bf (Who I had to call "Step dad") wins the lottery and leaves after he gets his Canadian citizenship.

I'm going to see if I can get an apartment, work part time, go to school and have good friends (That aren't influencing drug dealers, psychopathic pedos, crack heads, etc - Like in the hospital) and live a normal life - Able to research on the computer in a quiet room and exercise physically and my mind, etc.

I need to really learn to stick to these goals, set my boundaries, stand up for myself, learn to say no and be assertive - Which is harder than it sounds for me.