Hello rupp: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central

I think I may be able to relate to this to some extent. In my case there were two incidents I either have no memory of or only the slightest possible memory of. In the first case I would have been too young to remember anything. And in the second case, I don't know if I actually have some slight memory, or if what I think I remember is what my parents related to me years later. (I was a only child. And, growing up, my parents would tell me about things that happened when I was younger.) The two incidents in question would take some time, & substantial verbiage, to describe here though. So I'll spare you the details.

I enjoy learning about the findings of research into the workings of the human brain. And one thing I've picked up is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So my thinking, with regard to what you're experiencing is that, perhaps there are memories of the trauma you suffered stored in non-conscious areas of your brain. And it is these memories, perhaps, that are causing you to react the way you do to distressing material. At least that's my non-professional idea with regard to what might be going on here.

Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Psych Central

Unhealed Trauma

Unhealed Trauma

The 3 Parts of Your Brain Affected by Trauma

Memory Isn't Important to Recover from Trauma

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.