Welp, yesterday’s session was pretty aweful. T blew it in more ways than I ever thought possible in a single session even from my really bad T’s. He fell asleep. He monopolized the sssion. He ignored the needs I had expressed in email that he had acknowledged and agreed to in his reply and that he had set his office up for. He talked over me. He listed all the positive attributes I thought he saw in me and said he wished I could find a place where people saw these attributes. when I awkwardly attempted to own them by saying “besides here” he came back with the quick reply of “but you PAY me” (emphasis his). And, then at the very end of session when we had, as usual, run a bit over he said he needed to schedule out through July and strongly suggested every other week (which we had discussed as a looming option because of my financial situation) without any thought of how emotionally difficult it is for me to let go of that time with him even if I completely understand the why.
So...
Back to another exciting week of refreshing my email every minute and a half anxiously waiting a reply, wondering how he is going to respond to being challenged and directly confronted.

No session next week because it would have fallen on my anniversary and H has the day off for the first time since we’ve been married.
Pdoc the 17th... Pdoc the 17th... praying she has moved to in person sessions and that she can help or at least that things will go better with her... Pdoc the 17th.