On June 5th at 6pm, I took an extra Vyvanse 40mg with 1mg xanax, stayed up all night. Then I took my regular 50mg morning one and went to bed at 2pm but took 1.5mg xanax to fall asleep because my heart jolts when i go unconscious after falling asleep after being awake for at least 24 hours.

Now the xanax has ruined the tolerance for my valium taper. I just wanted to be happy and out of psychosis. I took 1300mg of phenibut during that time too.

Now it's the 9thAM and holy **** i cant sleep I took 400mg phenibut, 0.75mg xanax, 5mg valium, 11.25mg of zopiclone and half a shot of wine. I took another sip from the shot. Alcohol usually makes me feel suicidal.

I just wanted to wake up at 9:30am and start my day productively.

I'll try and get some sleep. I'm just ****ing mad because I have NO ONE to talk to. Everyone is sleeping. I talked to my sister and she said to talk in the morning. I woke her up.

I can't talk to my mom because she gaslights me and says "What have you been taking" as if it matters. My doctor seems to want me to stop changing my meds. It's not my fault. I'm really ****ing tormented by the sleep-wake thing because if I stay up too long, my heart doesn't beat normally.

I want to cry but I can't. I want to vent and have someone understand. It's horrible managing these meds and drugs. I want to live a normal life but I can't because of my mom and the ****ing ****ed work she does and the stress and her drinking and going out of control causes me to much agonizing mental pain.