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Originally Posted by Isolda van der Meer
After nearly a year of treatment and some psychological tests, I received something like a diagnosis. I remember "somewhere on the bipolar spectrum" and "mixed states".
Mixed states explain much of my life. Depression with frenzy activity, euphoria while thinking about my death, exhaustion and racing thoughts… Yes, it could be right. Especially the last year was full of it. It wasn't much bad, but it was endless. My longest stable period lasted about two weeks…
Random question: is it common that the strictly divided and crystal clear episodes change with time into such a horrible mess? Am I the only one?
I feel completely fine now. It's easy to think that I'm finally cured. I thought it about three months ago, but then another nice mixed episode came. Nevermind. My belief is stronger than reality.
What if my so called "problems" are just my character? Everybody has mood swings, right?
Does the diagnosis matter?
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I am sorry you are struggling, Isolda. In my decades of time with bipolar 1, it is quite unpredictable, overall. There may be patterns, but those may not last or may change over the years. I used to usually get manic in June and depressed in October, Last year, I became manic and psychotic in October and I now appear to maybe be getting depression here in early June.
The stuff you read in the DSM-V or in books and papers about bipolar disorder is only an archtype. Sure, some of it will apply to you at times, but not all of it all the time.
What are your meds?