Hi All,

So I had been feeling crisis-y for several days and sui. In my crisis plan, if I feel sui for 5 days in a row then I'm supposed to contact T. So yesterday I contacted T letting her know how I was feeling and asking her if she had any time before my scheduled appointment on Saturday. She texted back a few hours later saying she would call me around 630ish. I waited until 745 and then I texted her and said something like, "Hi T. I think you might have forgotten about me. It's okay. I'm going to go to bed now, maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Kit." Then at 9 PM I got a text from her saying she was sorry but she had gotten stuck at the office.


This morning I got a text from her saying she was sorry, that she was dealing with a client in crisis that she almost had to hospitalize and that she would keep calling me today until she heard my voice.


I texted her back saying it's okay, I'm not feeling as bad I'm not feeling fabulous but not as bad. That I had meetings in the morning but my afternoon looked fine but if she wasn't able to call me it's okay I'll just talk to her on Saturday.

She sent me another text saying thanks for the info and she'd call me this afternoon.


Argh! I don't like back and forth stuff. I feel bad that she had a hard night and that she wasn't able to talk to me, but now I kind of don't want to talk to her. I don't know why. I want to talk to her but I don't want to talk to her. Maybe because I got my feelings hurt because she didn't call when she said she would. It's ridiculous because my reasonable, rational mind tells me that she couldn't call when she said she would because she had a crisis come up at work that she had to deal with. On the other hand, I was in crisis last night, not sure if I should go to the hospital or not. Obviously I didn't go.


I feel like (and I know feelings sometimes lie) that I'm not as important as her other client. And maybe at that moment I wasn't because the other person was in front of her possible threatening sui or whatever while I was asking to be fit in to her schedule.


I don't know. I just feel blah and yucky about the whole thing and now I wished I hadn't even reached out. On the other hand, if we do talk today, maybe it will be a chance to repair whatever rupture this is and my session will go better on Saturday. I guess I am a bit hopeful. But what if she doesn't call me again? I gave her several outs and she's the one saying she'll call. I don't want to be disappointed again. I feel my shield coming up to protect myself.


How should I feel about this? How should I respond? I don't know if how I feel is reasonable or not. Thanks. HUGS Kit