Well, Twitch, speaking as a survivor of 2 very serious attempts, I can tell you that your brain is playing tricks on you. You are not thinking clearly, due to the fog of your depression. It robs us of accurate data processing. Basically, badasss depression tries to convince us that we are unworthy and of no value. Its goal is to kill us. Do not let that happen. It is a biological disease of your brain, it is not you, it is not your identity, it is not who you are as a person. You are a wonderful human being, warts and all--just like everyone else. You hve no less value than any otehr living being, we are all preciosu. You, very much included.

In my experience having tried it, getting well for a partner is not often the best strategy. It devalues you and places all value on that relationship, which is a thinking error. You have tremendous intrinsic value, completely independent of her. I am sure she is fantastic, but she is not a requirement for you to be of value or have a life worth living. Thinking that is a thinking error.

What is your current med situation? Have you made any recent moves?