It's very poor communication on his part. He does not know how to discuss tough issues CALMLY, reasonably and as two grown adults should be able to, and as a result, he blows up in anger and frustration. So that contributes to him always threatening divorce, because he doesn't know how to handle issues OR a disagreement, so it's easiest for. him to just bail and say let's get divorced.

We need couples counseling for certain.

As for you, sounds good to discuss your question with a therapist. I don't think, based on what I do know, that it's all you. He gaslights you, and that's on HIM. And the sexual issues are possibly the chemistry, which is both of you together. Unless he's just not doing things you ask him to that you want and prefer. Then that's cruelty. And it also sounds like your husband is unwilling to give you what you need and ask for, which is not very conducive to a happy and satisfying marriage, on your part. Sounds like it's his way or the highway.