The topic of forgetting the pain of depression is a very interesting one. Thanks, Christina, for bringing that up! I have experienced something similar with depression, but more with the ones that didn't have clear major stress/trauma triggers.For those, the memory of pain is blurry, but of course I remember they happened and I've definitely been affected by them, in various ways.For example, a few times here at PC I've made reference to some trust issues that started around 14/15. That was the year I believe my bipolar disorder really took off, and one of the episodes that was clearly triggered by mental distress (as opposed to mood switch from mania). Various tendencies have been present throughout my life. I seemed to be able to tolerate ramifications more in my youth. Just as bpcylist said the worst of his depressions were later in life, so were mine, but more in my early to late 30s than my 40s. Actually, what really damaged me, psychologically, the most were my most severe episodes, which were mixed episodes with psychosis. That whole hell, for me, started before my mother suddenly died (of cancer), but worsened exponentially afterwards.

As strange as this may sound, I remember very little about my hospitalizations when full blown manic with mixed features and psychosis. I experienced what they call "bipolar blackouts". However, soon after that series of episodes stopped, I was left with quite a chaos of a different sort that I labeled a psychiatric avalanche. I started having severe migraines, despite never having them before. I developed various odd phobias (fear of swallowing meat, fear of going into my basement because I thought the devil was there), agoraphobia, musical hallucinations, suspected simple partial seizures (which actually started before my hospitalizations stopped), and silent migraine auras.