thank you for the kind words and thoughts Sky.. actually, i've done quite a bit of healing with this already.... i'm at a point now where i can see the root causes of many of my lifetime issues in relation to moms choices surrounding this .... it was no 'accident'

choosing to speed, drink, and drive were poor choices on her part.. no accident....

bitterness i have never had towards mom.. sympathy, yes... and i have wondered many times if my sympathy was displaced.. growing up and blaming myself for all the confusion... i have never blamed mom, tho, if i did believe in blame at all, she might recieve some part of it...

rather, i believe in reasons and causes of suffering... mom began to drink after her and Dad divorced... the divorce was very hard for her, Dad recieved custody... she has never been the same since...

i do not buy into guilt or blame... imo, it only adds pain to injury.. i forgave mom years ago... but, mere forgiveness does not eliminate reality... mom suffers daily....

as her adult child i have taken the responsibility to assist her every way i can... even choosing her care over my own life and career... it has not been easy... Mom did not/ has not matured emotionally.. her torment was too big an obstacle for her.. the wreck stunted her physical and emotional health... she was an invalid at an early age and now, she is an aged invalid.. i do the best i can for her....

(((1oxbowgirl))) i appreciate your caring words... if it were not for moms handicap, maybe i'd have had a chance at something like a normal life... i have learned and grown thru my pain... many have struggles in life, many do overcome.. this is my story...

tho it happened several years ago, the price is still being paid.. Mom did not recieve the proper treatment she should have (another choice she made)... she had children to raise, bills to pay... she did what she could...

i cant help feeling that if she had accepted the therapy and help she needed back then, we would not be in this boat we are in now....

but, insurance and other reasons forced her to make hard choices... i believe she did the best she could for what she knew then....

it has not gone away, has not really improved in the 30 some years we have all been dealing with it...

some might say 'get over it'... how does one get over witnessing their mother crawl on hands and knees to use the restroom? how does one 'get over' the sounds of moaning in pain in the night, the screams of anguish from their own mother, day after day?

she will not see a doctor, she is stubborn.. how does one make a parent do what is best for them? do i need to physcially carry her to the doc against her will? and now, this many years later, what can the doc do?

no, it has never gone away, and probably never will.. the images and sounds are burned in my mind forever...

please dont speed, please dont cause accidents, please dont drink and drive.... please dont choose irresponsibility for 15 minutes of fun.. please obey traffic laws.. they are there for our protection...

please consider the little lives that depend on you...