this post is far from pathetic. thank you for posting and sharing. a lot of us (me included) have this issue

for me, I think their's 2 parts to the issue: one is that I'm quite in experienced, (meaning at my age I should have done more than I actually have), so find it hard to find things to talk about or to keep the person interested

the other one is that I'm really intriverted, so even though I may find a group of friends who like the same thing as I do (or suffer with the same condition or what ever), I'm the one to sit at the back and say nothing.
the only lifeline I kind of have is that I always feel better talking to women (always), maybe because I am a woman myself, but I think it's also down to the fact that during my childhood a lot of abuse came from males so it's harder for me to open up to them

do keep posting if you find it helps