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Old Jun 11, 2020, 02:13 PM
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Member Since: Sep 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
Short answer in green bold font (4 sentences total only). Longer answer in full in regular black font.

Last week I "dared to say" (that's what I wrote almost verbatim) that I was mildly depressed. Today my husband told me I'm "mildly hypomanic-like". I guess the signs are clear, when I tend to get very loud and repeat things over and over again, and become frustrated with slowness, and start ranting. Check, check, check, and check. Whether or not this will last until tomorrow, or longer, I don't know.

bpyclist, my worst bipolar episodes were at 14-16 years old, 20, 23, 31-38, and some brief really bad ones in my early 40s and one in April through early June 2018. I would say that almost all of the years not mentioned (after 14) I had either stable mood or mild-moderate episodes (short and long-term). Frankly, I believe I was symptomatic a lot of that time. The trouble is, I totally lacked insight into my moods back then. More often than I liked, my elevated moods got me in some mild trouble and/or turned off or actually attracted or thrilled people. Those reactions usually slid off my back like fried eggs on a Teflon pan. Those who were attracted by it were treated to my utter gratitude. It depended on the personalities of the observers. Males seemed a lot more tolerant or impressed than females, though of course there were exceptions both ways.

Since accepting my bipolar diagnosis and learning a lot about my illness, and myself, my insight has improved. These last couple of years, since June 2018, I have had more stable time than not. When I have had symptoms, they have been fairly short-lived and no worse than moderate. Between my husband's urging, my own eventual insight, and my therapist's and psychiatrist's urging, I would medicate away those comparatively minor "blips". Having PRN medication has been priceless for me. I also use various other methods to deescalate moods (laying low, trying to focus on "tamer" projects, etc.) It's likely that these past couple years have been more like those in between years of my youth. I must also admit that being on disability is extremely beneficial for me. I'm pretty darned sure that I would become quite ill quite quickly if I was pushed into a high stress situation without an exit door. My stress tolerance is far lower than it was when I was a younger woman.

I believe I have spent a much higher percentage of my life in elevated mood states than depressive ones. My posts in the polls I posted reflect that at bit. What I didn't include in those threads were likely "blips". That's why I suggested following the DSM-5 when counting episodes (whether you like the DSM or not). Plus, as many in those threads wrote, some episodes in our lives were likely not fully recognized. Or, how in the heck do you count something as an episode (or should you) if your mood is elevated 2 days, fine 7 days, depressed 6 days, and repeat, or some other wild combination?

Unlike you, bpcyclist, I don't believe I've had psychosis outside of bona fide episodes. However, I have had psychosis during "blips" of mood elevation that lasted fewer than the days indicated in DSM-5 criteria for episodes. They were always full blown mania, though.

I did have some strange arse times in between the years I mentioned with musical hallucinations or stuff that some believe could have been seizure activity of the psychic and sensory sorts. The latter was curious, though, because it had never occurred before my most severe bipolar episodes of my 30s. It has also pretty much completely disappeared since I reached a therapeutic dose of Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) about 8 years ago. My seizure dx was left not definitive. Part of that is my fault because I refused a 6-day in-hospital EEG suggested by an epileptologist. [I had had other EEGs, CT, PET scan and several MRIs, prior.]
Thanks so very much for this response, BirdDancer. It is really helpful to me to read about the details of your story over the many years. It does give me some reassurance that I am not maybe a huge outlier with some of these shorter, weird, blips or mini-episodes or whatever we should call them. Again, I know I sound like I am always bashing the DSM-V (sorry), but really, my point in all that is just that I just do not feel like it has captured the true heart and essence of what we contend with every day, and I find that disappointing for me and for us.

Oddly enough, as you may recall, I did have a series of tonic clonic seizres in the 1999-2000 time frame. Always wondered what that was all about, vis a vis the development of my bp 1 stuff.
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