Raceka, that sounds so hard to have that going on with your own son.

I read a book last year that was very helpful to me in deciding the potential for domestic violence in one of my own relationships. The book is by Gavin De Becker and is called The Gift of Fear and other survival signals that protect us from violence.

One thing I remember it saying in the book is that studies have shown that when women get protective orders against men, the violence toward her tends to escalate. Men can get really pissed off about the protective order and seek revenge. Whereas violence was previously just simmering under the surface, the protective order can set it off. Sad but true. De Becker cautioned to think carefully about getting a protective order. He said police do not warn women of this--that the orders can backfire and be harmful to your health. If you do plan to get a protective order, be sure to take additional security measures BEFORE you get the order. For example, fortified doors and windows, a new security system, a locked gate around your property, perhaps even a handgun in the house and the training to use it, etc. I am not in favor of guns, but you need to do what you have to in order to protect yourself against your worst case scenario. Would it be possible to move from your house and not tell him where you went?

I highly recommend the book. It's very educational and sobering. I think your T should read it too. Maybe you could both read it and then discuss together and make your decision on the protective order.

I am really worried about you. Please take care and protect yourself.