I haven’t been honest with you all, because I’m embarrassed.

But I’ve been doing very badly. Which sometimes I’ve said, but not gone into detail.

Ever since I lost my job I’ve been going downhill severely. It really wasn’t so much the actual job, but losing income monthly when we were just scraping by with maybe 100 dollars left over as it was.

I’ve gone so downhill to the point where I’ve almost had to goto the hospital. Cuz first few weeks after losing my job, it was the losing of my job. Then the COVID got worse and that made me scared like maybe I would die or lose my dad. Then the race relations started to rise and that made me even more scared. So all these things together last 4 months or so, so far.

All since March, I’ve been extremely anxious having panic attacks multiple times a day. Severe depression where I wasn’t eating much anymore or eating too much some days. I either stay up all night or sleep all day. I had to be out on ativan (back on Benzo’s) because my anxiety has been so extreme. Most days I can’t wake up and have peace cuz within 30 min I’m having a panic attack. I’ve been hearing loud clear voices, and paranoia and delusions have been starting up too.

I haven’t gone into detail because I don’t want to seem like a failure to you all.

I’m sorry [emoji17]