Well, T called. He did not attempt in any way to discuss the problems from last session his focus was concern over sui thoughts and SI thoughts. He went into pushy cheerleader mode. He assumed my problem was that we are not meeting this coming Monday which I clarified as inaccurate. I explained that I made the choice for this coming week because I knew I had Pdoc and it would appease H. All he stated was that as we move to every other week (note the assumption there and no option for discussion) he wants me to know that he still cares just as much and I can still call and email my child self is just having a temper tantrum because of the change and that’s OK.
Then we were back to pushing the belief that I have to be able to make a better life for myself... like duh, it’s obvious cant you SEE better things... *sigh*
I see Pdoc the 17th. I know she was upset that he wasn’t seeing me twice a week. I can’t see her being keen on going even lower to every other week. She gave into being OK with once a week because I seemed OK with it. I can’t see her being OK with every other week especially if I am not OK with it... Not that I think she will have pull or influence with T but...
So... basically the call was pull yourself up, I’m disappointed in your lack of self care and I still care about you as much as ever...