I have really bad anxiety and OCPD, with the attendant depression that goes along with it. This has led me to simply not give a **** about my health. I haven't been to see a doctor in a year, and I was supposed to have follow up. Yeah, right. He tried prescribing some pills for me, and when the insurance company wanted to play games, I told them in no uncertain terms to **** off (because I get very nasty when I get pissed off, and I hate being that way because I will then feel horrible and guilty--even when I am clearly in the right--for hours afterwards).

I don't trust doctors, especially head ones. But this ulcer is killing me. Probably have heart problems, too, because I swear, I feel this weird spasming in my chest sometimes. So sick of waking up and feeling this ball of hot lead just below my lungs, every single day. My entire stomach area is warm to the touch, too. lmao

Oh, and I'm only 33 + 7 (because I don't celebrate birthdays anymore--why the hell would I want to celebrate being one day closer to death?) and 6'3, 215 pounds or so. Not like I can't afford to lose the weight around my mid section. I used to smoke pot, but I quit recently. Got bored with it. Did LSD a few times, and once mixed it with DMT (because I'm doing a little psychic surgery on myself) and that made my anxiety spike, but it's since returned to its baseline of being about midway up on the chart in a flat line.

The reason why I don't seek medical help more often is because why bother? So they can give me a prescription I can't fill for pills I'll forget to take? Pfff. I'd rather spend my money on my car.

So how do you make yourself eat when you have zero interest in doing so? I have cavities, I know, and my oral hygiene isn't the greatest (though I brush regularly), but I'm pretty sure gingivitis or whatever isn't helping. I just have no desire to eat when I have this burning sensation in my stomach, and food will sometimes trigger nausea.