Yeh, that ^^^^ like, all of that ^^^

I did not feel as though he made space for me in the phone call. This was also the first time he has ever cut off a phone call. All other phone calls I let him know when I got the support I needed and I cut it off. The length of the calls has always, IMO, been very reasonable.

So here is the latest email
T,I am having a lot of trouble in your role as therapist and how we are interacting within that role. I am not sure if it started with the social distancing stuff or when we decided it was OK for you to call out the toxic nature of my marriage... but I am not sure the when or why is important. I am feeling a very strong power over dynamic between us lately that I had not experienced with you previously. I don’t like it. I am feeling as though you have unilaterally chosen getting out of the marriage as our priority and I feel very pressured to take immediate action to leave or at the very least to have a plan in place that is moving steadily in that direction. I’m not OK with that pressure no matter how well intentioned it is. I am much more comfortable discussing the situation and options as well as the other things in my life right now. I am feeling very hurt and uncomfortable with the unilateral decisions being made right now about this being a priority, finances being an undiscussed priority and the decision to move to every other week without discussing other options or why I am uncomfortable with every other week. I am uncomfortable with the lack of quiet space and supports in our session when I struggle to say what I need.
I really want the needs cards back, I feel we have lost a lot with their absence. I understand I can’t touch them but if you can lay them out I can take a picture of them in session and then show you the one I need or could you send me a picture of them? One group shot (or a couple if they don’t fit into one) would be fine, I don’t need each one to have an individual picture. I don’t know your COVID19 cleaning routine but being on the couch, even with you 6ft away in your chair would make a huge difference if possible too. Even if I cannot be beside you it is still my safe space.
And while far more of a stretch/risk... I know touch in all normal contexts is out until this COVID thing blows over but... shoes.. shoes are always dirty and contaminated and we rarely think about them. Could our feet touch provided our upper body is still the 6ft apart?
Finally, discussing options to ease the finances would go a long way over you just telling me to switch to every other week. I have done OK with once a week but I will admit I have often found it less than ideal. Pdoc also feels that given my history meeting once a week is not ideal. I don’t see her supporting every other week and I don’t see my being comfortable with it. Once a week is pretty choppy for me. Moving to every other is going to feel like riding shotgun with someone that can’t drive a stick shift. I worry that too much space will be needed to reconnect and pack up without room in the middle for much work... much like where we are stuck now. With all the changes I never settle into the rhythm of session. We did, in my opinion, have a great deal of success with longer sessions. I thought the two hour session went extremely well. Can we discuss doing goal focused intensives as funds allow (thinking monthly with a minimum of 2hrs) until we can get back to regular sessions or decide maybe that is a better option for us?



I don’t want to give up hope but we really are not getting anywhere.