The service for my bf was Thurs at the funeral home. Friday (today) I fly 2000 miles back to where I live. I tell myself, "Bust gdt through one more day. Bust get through one more day." I neep saying that in my head over and over. If I imagine being alone for months and years to come without My Love, I get panicked with grief. So I shut that kind of thinking off. I say "Just get through today."

I've been in a hotel room since Monday eve.This is my 4rth night sleeping here. I just have to get to the airport and fly home. Then I have to clear out his apt. The manager says I have to clear and clean it by the 14th of June. That will be impossible. I do fear she will change the lock on Monday and lock me out. She is ruthless. I'll get my stuff out tomorrow. I have my own apt, so not like I will be homeless. But I need more time. We just had the service today.

My bf was getting a HUD subsidy. Manager says HUD lets her do this, even though he paid June's rent. Sometimes being poor means you can sure get pushed around.

I pray Heaven to not let me get really out of my mind. So far I don't have bad depression. Been too busy.