Hello Adieu, first I want to say I'm glad you posted. Second, I want to say that you seem very self-aware and that's a good thing. Third, you're very articulate and I like that.

Now, on to business, nobody here can diagnose you, but I do believe that you really ought to talk to a dr. about this. You already have a relationship with your internist, so perhaps you could *start* with him and see what he has to say. He even might be able to give you an informed referral to a pdoc. You have raised many points that really ought to at least be looked into. You owe that to yourself. And you are right, the AD meds you are currently on *could* be causing you to cycle into mania unneccessarily. I do understand the "stress" factor of it all. It's exhausting trying to keep up with the drastic changes in mood, personality and behavior. What you've said here, is exactly what you need to tell a pdoc. I wish I could be more helpful than this, but please know that we are here for you in any way that we can help. Support. Encouragement. Understanding. Answer the questions we can. You've already taken the first step by reaching out and posting here, so good for you! And if you are diagnosed as BP, it's not the end of the world. In fact, it's the beginning of a better life because you'll get the meds, therapy and support you need. It might take time to figure it all out, but you are NOT alone. If you need to talk more privately you can always PM me. You had posted a response to one of my posts earlier relating to what I had to say about my personal experience with BP, I'd be happy to share with you on a more private basis if that will help you any. At any rate, please keep us posted on what you decide to do and what you find out.
Oh, and it would be a VERY good idea to stop hitchhiking no matter what mood your in. Pah, Pah, Pah, PLEASE!!!!! That is some seriously high risk behavior that could cost you your life Hon. I'm not just asking, I'm begging.

Keep in touch. TgrsPurr