Quote:
Originally Posted by Misssy2
There was a point in my 22 year relationship where I realized that MOST HOLIDAYS...Like ANNIVERSARIES....were not celebrated, usually ended up in fights, I really had to look at the situation and see if this is where I wanted to stay...If you are stressed on your anniversary and not feeling the loving feelings you should be....you really have to realize LIFE IS SHORT...that is not just a saying...it is the truth ...I lost my sister and my Father within the past 1.5 years...it really hammers home that you can have feelings for this man...but is it worth being miserable for the rest of your life?
You could seperate and possibly things would straighten out and get better and you could return to the relationship but it seems the relationship isn't working for either one of you....It would be strong of you to do the seperation for BOTH of you.....No abuse is warranted so therefore it should no longer be tolerated. Its HARD to let go of even something that is bad...
But after I asked my X to leave....I felt "alive" again...worthy....had a lot of fun....met other people....learned that my "marriage" was very toxic...more toxic than I already knew.
I do think if you are feeling all these negative feelings on a special day....than you really have to honor those feelings, love yourself and take steps to step away for a period of time to decide if you should divorce.
He stated he doesn't want counseling and you can't force someone to love you or treat you right...he has to LEARN about what he lost and he has to decide if he wants to change...counseling won't change either of you.
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Thanks for your thoughts.
I know this thread is long, so it's probably too hard to read through it's entirety. But I think you only read a small portion and are missing the whole picture.
We did celebrate our anniversary, but not as expected. We're in a pandemic and it made things a LOT harder. We were supposed to do a getaway in Vermont which had to be rescheduled for October. We DID celebrate it, but it was a bit of a letdown given the circumstances. We did not fight on our anniversary either. We decided that the real celebration will be in October when we can get out of town.
And he has agreed to couples counseling. Initially, he refused. But then I got him to agree to it, IF his temper flares up again.
And I am not miserable either. What I am most struggling with right now is being in this position of indecision. But we've had a good week together, all has been smooth and all has been loving and kindness between us.
He does love me, so I am not forcing him to try and love me. I am enforcing strict boundaries around certain and specific behaviors I don't like, and he has shown improvements.
So you're a bit off on several points, but I appreciate the gesture.