I struggle with this question lately more than ever. I've been really grappling with trying to understand my role in my BP2. I have a long history with it, diagnosed or not. Like bpforever1, my dance revolves around 1 or 2 things related to medication. Am I compliant, and is it working? In the past, compliance has been an issue. As has proper diagnosing/dosing. This past March, it was more related to me sensing that the meds were failing and self-admitting to the hospital.

I'd say with the exception of four to five large incidents and one to three smaller incidents in 43 years, I'm mostly stable. It's hard to self-judge though. I used to be married to someone that could provoke me into an episode quickly, and would enjoy doing so. Abusive much, you think? I would have to lose count to capture those incidents.

I'm at a point where I want to know all the warning signs, avoid the living hell that is me uncontrolled, or be able to minimize the damage to my life that I have been known to do. I'm still paying money out from my last big batch of bad decisions five years ago.