I wonder if he feels like he's somehow enabling an abusive situation if he doesn't take a harder line - he said it himself, he's "scared." Don't get me wrong, I am not expressing my personal beliefs here about how people should act. However, I think sometimes people feel a responsibility to "rescue" others and the only way they can figure out to have an impact is to give an ultimatum. In a way, he's displacing his helplessness to "fix things" onto you. This removes the uneasy feeling that he should be doing something. A therapist more competent in dealing with DV would probably recognize that it is not up to them to be your savior or make your choices for you, and would be more experienced and ready to deal with their own feelings of helplessness or whatever without acting out at you.