I think I'm having cabin fever. I could do multiple things but I can't decide. I feel alone. My mom is working and she comes home stressed. I feel bad for bringing up the past and telling her to stop drinking and being herself. Now it's like she hates me and doesn't want to cook dinner. I told her that I want to learn how so I can move out - But I'm scared to move out. I feel safe here.

It's really complicated to me. I want to phone my therapist today but I don't know what to say. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't just be happy where I am now and do things. I need constant inspiration - And the inspiration I get sometimes scares me.

I care too much about what other people think. I'm scared of the economy getting worse and all of the uncertainty. I can't focus. I just want to read or something - But I have so much uncertainty - Like I don't know much about the world and everyone seems like they do.

I missed my opportunity to grow mentally as a person when I was isolated, sleeping, helping suicidal people online, doing mindless tasks and working as a mechanic and welder. It was all for nothing. It's like I had no mind - I didn't see life like I do now. I wasted time.

Every song I listen to is horrible. I just want to go somewhere or distract myself away from my room or this house. I'm scared of being unwell and going insane like I was at the end of the injection.

I took an extra vyvanse and more phenibut so if that helps, I'll have to see my psychiatrist so she can prescribe something that can balance my brain chemicals.

I don't feel like exercising cuz I feel like I'd be wasting time. I'm too aware of everything like I just came out of a 20 year long fog.

I'm not happy or content. I'm miserable. I feel like I'm sane and everyone else is insane.. Like everything is just a bunch of pictures and everything is in my imagination - It's spiralling down a dark hole to hell.