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Originally Posted by susannahsays
I think the moving away behaviors are due to irritation/resentfulness over his feeling of impotence. Saving her has not worked the way he has been trying. He has compassion fatigue.
I would say there is actually probably also an element of wishing to punish in the countertransference, as well. Wishing to punish for allowing herself to remain in this situation even though she's "smart" and "should be able to figure it out" or whatever it was he said. I think part of him wants her to regret not listening to him or something. For her to have one of those "come to Jesus moments."
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Yes, I think this is closer to what's likely going on--you articulated it well. He's frustrated by not being able to help in the way he wants to, so he's pulling away. I could see the punishing element there, too. Like, if this was a rescuing situation, he'd be offering more frequent sessions for a reduced rate. Instead, it's fewer sessions, no reduction in rate, saying other clients need help. Like, "Fine, if you won't take my help, I'll find others who will."
I imagine he's not aware he's feeling these sorts of things. That much of it is subconscious. But it could help explain both some of his actions/inactions in the most recent session and his not replying to your email addressing them (only to the concern about you).
ETA: This is not to defend him. He needs to be looking at his actions and feelings and trying to figure out what's going on. And seeking consultation and/or supervision if needed.