Hi. I just wanted to say that I just turned 40 and know exactly what you mean about looking back on your life and realizing it's been a collective series of disappointments grief and pain, yet here we are still. I'm not one who necessarily believes that "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger," unless "stronger" includes becoming bitter angry and cynical- as I have-lol. But I think that we also continue to be here because we know what the alternative is- and unfortunately it's not something we can undo and retry later. But because you said you're ready to handle some good stuff shows that you won't reject it when it comes (as depression and apathy often make us do). So I hope your happiness is right around the corner, you sound like you deserve it.