Hey, Fugitive, welcome. I am so sorry you have been struggling like this. These social anxiety-type deals can be super hard. I have my own little version of it in that I kind of have agoraphobia now. Weird. Never had it before. Used to speak in front of pretty big crowds basically for a lving, now, can barely leave my apt.

I am certainly no relationship expert, but you are just 19. You have many, many, many years and wonderful opportunities ahead of you. I know it seems bleak now, but please do not give up. There is help available, I am sure of it.

Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist, by chance? If not, it might be worth trying to see one. They can really help with this stuff.

Sending you strength and support. Hang in there. It will get better, so don't give up.