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Little background.. as a child my brother and I were always on top of each other. We had a small house. He was very difficult to live with. Suffice to say he saw my mom as his slave (which she willingly did) and only left when he got married to his new "slave". I realized from a young age the most I can tolerate him is about 1 day a year.
So last year he started being my BFF. He was calling me all the time and telling me all about our relatives. I personally didn't want to hear it but I tolerated it.
Over the holiday though for the 3 or 4th year in a row my brother and SIL were at each other's throats. Not only was the visit very awkward.... but I got the distinct feeling my brother was looking for a place to stay when he divorces his wife. (or she him)
Unfortunately for me a few years back I purchased a 3 floor townhouse, mostly thinking my nephew might be the guest and redid the basement -- largely to sit empty as an investment. However, it could be an effective apartment for someone as it has a walk out. In part I had planned to use it to rent out if for some reason I had to. I also have a guest bedroom.
Alarmed and upset I pretty much cut off communication... I didn't send a gift to my nephew for his birthday (not like we have much of a relationship thanks to my brother) and my brother wanted to come over my house in January on his bike and i said no.
Since that time, I have heard nothing. He doesn't even post on facebook anymore.
I actually went over his house yesterday to make sure they were still married and his car is there.
I am not unhappy about this I don't think but wonder how to play it going forward. Would I like to talk to him? Yes, but now I am really wondering if I was literally just invited to things (1) to give his son presents, (2) pity, and (3) escape plan if all went to heck.
It isn't so bad to have him live with me but he would not recognize my authority on anything. Just like he doesn't with his wife. He would stay up all hours of the night, he smokes marijuana (medical) and my neighbors would flip. He would probably be irresponsible and hurt my cat -he has already threatened to throw him in my shower to make him behave. Somehow in his head it is "unmanly" to respect women.
So soon it will be Thanksgiving and xmas again... how do I play it? I think it is time to cut off communication with all of them. We may be able to do it this year with the coronavirus.. my SIL's 79 year old mom is a frequent guest.
There is a meme going around that says "you know who cares by who asks about you during the corona virus" -- haven't heard a peep out of my brother -- at all, during this whole time. And I have made tentative steps by positing articles on his facebook page... no response.
It is hard to accept that you have a brother that not only doesn't like you, don't love you, and only wants to use you.
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