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You have many, many, many years and wonderful opportunities ahead of you. I know it seems bleak now, but please do not give up. There is help available, I am sure of it.
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Well I've been like this for the last four years and it feels that nothing has changed nor does it feel like anything will change.
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Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist, by chance? If not, it might be worth trying to see one. They can really help with this stuff.
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I'm not sure how to open up to a therapist/psychiatrist. I would be wasting their time. I don't think a therapist/psychiatrist could help me with this problem.