I'm really struggling with anhedonia, and I don't have an outlet, an escape to feel something. I keep reminding myself to turn on music, even thought it doesn't help. I really miss alcohol, even though it only gave me the mildest pleasure, i wouldn't even say pleasure, I'd say it make me conscious of some inkling of emotion that one needs to live and function besides anxiety and frustration.

I can't resort to drugs or alcohol. Music is helping really. PC Games? I can't think of any "great" games that are moving right now but I'll look later. The book i have been reading is in the right direction, on romanticism, mystery and wonder.

Writing seems to be the one of the things that help my escape but I'm not going to write stories like the one i just wrote every few months. So i need to keep on reading and expanding my horizon which takes months of preparation honestly. I literally have books and essays to read for each short book I write.

Regarding my dad who also has schizophrenia, i'm debating whether to give him copies of two of my short stories, because he has paranoia like me, and he might think my stories are about him, when they aren't, and I don't want that to stress him out. I just think he'd find them interesting, especially considering we are both lonely people.