Wow, ((NWTR)) - I see now why you chose your name. You carry a huge burden, but you're a good man with a good heart and you continue to honor your mother. I KNOW it isn't easy, but it's the right thing to do.

After my mother died, I drove out to the cemetery and had a long and angry talk with her. I yelled at her for all the grief she caused, and I cried my heart out. It was the only time I could let it all out because I knew it was finally over. I couldn't have done it while she was still alive because it would not have changed my past or hers. Yelling at her gravestone didn't change my past, but it helped me to move forward.

In looking back, I'm glad now I tried my very best to honor my mother as best I could. It was an incredible burden, but I have few regrets. I have completely forgiven her now, so my only regret is that I didn't "love" her completely while she was alive - not sure if that would even be possible though. She may have been a bad mother, but her initial intentions were good, and she played the cards she was dealt in life the best she could.

I absolutely despise alcohol. I hate what it does to people and the effects it can have on family and friends. It's so very destructive, yet it's advertised as the answer to all life's problems.

I'm sorry you have to live with the effects of alcohol. Stay strong.