I’m basically back to square one with my medicines. Not enough so I go up. Too much cuz I’m sleeping and there’s nothing in between the doses.

I’ve literally tried every AP on the FDA approved list except clozapine (I cant due to some underlying health issue or something. Was told that years ago). Plus niacin, sarcosine, b3 and a load of other stuff. Meds either don’t work at all or the side effects are not able to be lived with.

It’s so disappointing and just reiterates the fact that I have schizophrenia which id rather sometimes not think about. I’m one of those few people that will always live with voices going on in the background and will have to take meds to keep them in the background. They never go away and I think that’s what people don’t understand. The delusions go away but then they come back under high stress and they been coming back.

I keep having this thought that I did when I was real sick, about people not telling me the worlds secret idk. And with this racial stuff going on I’m getting slightly delusional, I hope, about what could happen to me. My own dad says not to live in fear, hes black, but idk.