My mind is so open now that I'm open to anything - But need to stay grounded. I just love talking and writing about magic, reality, consciousness, science and logic - It's all valid.

You just need to a good sense of self - In order to relate the environment to yourself and trust your own mind, use the right patterns - Don't listen to your own nonsense.

It's mostly brain chemicals. I had psychosis 3 nights ago and took 7.5mg of olanzepine and I was completely fine after that. Yet, I find the psychosis interesting because "I" thought of it - How I can relate it to my past, present, future.. If I could do something great - Pronoia and paranoia at the same time.. Running away from intrusive thoughts but also towards something great - Being connected to the spirit all knowing matrix grid.

I can get caught up in my own thoughts and seem crazy to people around me - I fear my mom would walk in and ask me what's wrong and I'd have to say "I'm psychotic". It's horrible. Psychosis is horrible - But so many people are interested in it because it gives clues to how bizarre reality is - People looking for meaning, trying to be happy, how to get over pain, society and it's addiction to dopamine, satan, religion, technology and time travel, consciousness...

I'm so interested in everything but I know I'm sick - So I take my meds. It's not like I'm not allowed to be interested in my own thoughts - I just can't go too deep into mystery or else I may never come back.. Brain cells will die because the dendrites form wrong connections. In the psych ward, I met some really sick people.. One in particular was so psychotic constantly that it seemed as if he was tripping.. The hospital psychologist said "He's has an extremely severe form of schizophrenia".. He asked me if I did LSD and mushrooms and I said "Yes" and I asked if he did and he said yes. He didn't believe that I did so he got up, twirled around and danced away.

We have to take care of our minds. I think it's very rare to have such openness - Most people have strong religious convictions or atheists, depressed - The other one is psychosis or mania, brain injury etc..

But I will be here for you guys. I hope that what I say doesn't make anyone's psychosis worse - I try to reassure and give support - Just like when I need it.. If I need to just write it out.. My family is really supportive of me.. I don't want to end up homeless on the street. It could easily happen. My mom could have kicked me out but she would never do that. She was always supportive (Although distracted at times) and never got mad at me for trying to cope with so many drugs.. She just took them away and gave me a hug.

All I needed was a hug. I didn't want to die so usually I'd walk upstairs, crying and say "Please flush these drugs for me - I'm not happy with what I'm doing to myself" or something. I'd listen to songs - And most songs don't glorify drugs. Sure, musicians made good songs with heroin for example but a lot said that they waited like 15 years and could have made better music.