Yesterday (Monday) was encouraging as my Mum came over and we chatted more openly than we have for a long time. It brought me great comfort. I am deeply grateful for my mother. The night before I had a great conversation with my best female friend who I thought had drifted away from me. I was able to help her which made me feel useful for a change. She told me she is always here for me. I wept. I had believed all my friends had abandoned me. These events left me full of gratitude and comfort.

Unfortunately, due to overdoing it yesterday I have crashed physically today and feel very unwell. On top of that the PTSD seems to be returning, leaving me very emotional and agitated. I feel like I’m about to lose my mind. If I had energy I would consider I’m having a mixed episode, but I’m very drained. At 1.30 pm I took some Seroquel to calm me down. I couldn’t bear suffering such anguish anymore. Thankfully it is beginning to calm me down.

I haven’t had to take any meds to calm me down for months. This has been brewing for about five days. Hopefully I will settle soon. The thought of having mental health struggles on top of my physical ones is frightening. Thankfully, I see my T tomorrow and pdoc Thursday. I’m just so emotional and my peace is gone.