Quote:
Originally Posted by bluebicycle
I'm feeling worse today, but I'm not surprised. Everyday, my depression is twice as bad as the previous day, so unfortunately, it's expected. However, it's really spiraling out of control, and quickly.. I'm glad I have therapy 2x this week, though. I think both sessions should help me.
I'm trying to stay positive and cling onto the good times (e.g., when I was happy and doing things I loved) and cling onto the fact that I don't want to devastate anybody. I'm trying really hard not to give in. Plus, I know that it takes time for a medication change to kick in... So I am trying to stay hopeful.
Whatever. I just feel like total s***. I sent my boss an email saying that I am taking the day off "because I don't feel well." I didn't want to elaborate on WHY, but yeah... he'll probably think I'm sick with a cold or something. However, telling the truth, unfortunately, could cause trouble and affect my employment, as many of you know.  |
Sorry you're feeling this way Blue. I'm glad you took the day off if you feel you need it. Offering yourself what you need is so important at times like this.
When we are in a bad place we instinctively seek to move out of it. Sometimes that can work and we pull ourselves out. However, there are times when it seems we are just meant to ride the wave. I was wondering if there is anything you feel you can find of value in this experience. From an observer perspective it seems that perhaps from this angle you are better able to reflect on your manic behavior. Maybe that is of value? Perhaps there some insight you can take away?
I know you want out, but while you're 'here', maybe look around and see if there is anything the experience has to offer. Are there patterns within the feelings? Do they represent anything to you?
Maybe it is nothing, but I generally find there is a gem or two to pick up in all experiences. I find that when I am in a polarized state certain patterns come forward that I have difficulty noticing otherwise. Essentailly, times of hardship offer me material for future growth. I know we are all unique, so I am only tossing that out in the event it can help turn a dark time into a slightly less horrible experience.
Sending lots of support your way.
