@Innerzone: Thanks for the very thoughtful reply! I've thought, like you, that perhaps a competitive hobby is not good for me. I've struggled mightily to develop another hobby. Many things. There are a few obstacles. One is that i don't have any room. Another is that most hobbies produce something and then it becomes a problem of what to do with it. I don't like anything on my walls.

I don't have a therapist as i find them harmful.

I'll keep searching for a non-competitive hobby that doesn't take any room or produce anything. Sometimes i like music. I've been playing Scrabble for twenty years now tho. It's pretty unlikely that i'd change horses now. It keeps me involved with the world (i play at a club). I'm part of something. It's brought a lot to my life.

It's mostly a problem of being depressed. When i'm hypomanic i'm delighted with Scrabble. Thanks for your time IZ!