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Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart
I understand why you're feeling like this as I can imagine myself feeling and thinking exactly the same way. I have an intense fear about crossing a line and being told 'this is the last straw' even though logically I know this won't likely happen.
Could you try and address this with T more generally without mentioning Facebook? You could bring up the fear that you'll cross a line and he won't work with you. I've mentioned this to my T before. You could explore the fear together without delving into anything specific. It sounds especially important to talk about the bad feelings towards yourself.
Alternatively, would it help to have a 'plan of action' to explain the accidental friend request if it ever did come up (I think it's so unlikely)? Maybe say that this person has a similar name to an old friend who popped up and you accidently clicked on the wrong person. Something like that.
I really feel for you as I know this is horrid. If it helps, please know loads of people look up their therapists and their relatives/friends on Facebook. It's really quite a common thing. If a therapist has a Facebook page they are going to expect it to happen at least once in their career, probably many times.
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Thank you for this.
I have mentioned my fear of being too much in the past, usually after snooping. He always says it’s fine, but he doesn’t know the details. I always convince myself that if he knew how much I managed to find out about him, he’d be creeped out and terminate me. So it’s a double edged sword: the fear of being honest and the need to be honest and come clean. I think I need his reassurance that I still matter to him as a client and he won’t give up on me. I’ve never done anything more than look at what’s publicly available, but I still feel tremendous guilt over it. I knew everyone does it and if a friend told me they did this I’d be reassuring them that it’s ok. I just don’t feel like I deserve the same consideration, for reasons that go back to childhood and the way my family was with me. I feel like a ticking time bomb that’s going to explode and prove to him just how bad I really am.
I have an idea of what I would say if he asked me about it, which logically I know he won’t. I’m torn between keeping quiet until I calm down and can see things rationally and logically, and telling him what I did because I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I think the latter is ill-advised because I could be creating a problem where there are none.