Yes, I believe all this is true/plays a part. T struggles some with worry, mostly about his family. Others in his family are struggling deeply with it and I am sure turn to him because... well, he’s him! He has told me the changes to his practice are exhausting for him (hence the severe cut back in responsiveness outside of sessions even though he still reads and sometimes responds). T’s wife retired several years ago and while they (I assume) would need to make some sacrifices and changes for him to retire (he is old enough but I can’t see him retired) the conversation has come up again between them. He is tired in so many ways, like we all are, and I am sure in the midst of covid retirement sounds tempting. He couldn’t abandon his clients in this though and I think he knows he would miss the work too much when things returned to “normal”. I am thankful for all I know about him from what he has shared and what I have discovered along the way. I know he is struggling and I know there is more of that struggle than usual that he will not share. I know he said he was thankful that almost all of his clients have continued their dedication to therapy through all of this.
I also know he is doing his best for self care and shares some of that. Mulch season though has sadly come to an end I know what his next project was and I know that “things” keep coming up preventing him from doing them.
He has also shared with me how difficult the changes to his practice since covid have been for him specifically in relation to me. It took him a while to figure out why we had such great rapport and yet some things were not happening. When we figured it out it hit him really deeply as a person but also put him in a place professionally that he had not been in before. As he sought supervision and ideas he discovered that some of what we are working with is exceptionally unique. He had adjusted to meet that need. Once we figured it out change and healing started happening slowly but easily and comfortably, it seemed a very natural path for both of us. We seemed to be at a quiet spot the session before lockdown and we had no idea that the next session would not be in person. On rare occasions quiet sessions are simply my catching my breath... I have discovered this was not one of those occasions... it was the quiet before a huge storm of processing... but now everything that worked for us has been ripped from us. I don’t know it for sure but right now I can see him, hands on hips, totally pissy toddler.... “I don’t want to reinvent the wheel! We had this! It was working beautifully! I don’t want to do this over! I don’t want to come up with a “good enough” substitute when I found what she needed”... but, as helpful as I think it would be that is not something he and I can process together.