I feel old. I feel like my life has passed so quickly while I was busy trying to stay alive. Now I have health problems. Mostly degenerative disks and fractures. I have to be on meds, I am in pain a lot, and I have gained a lot of weight. I feel like an old lady. I feel like my kids grew up when I wasn't looking and I miss my son so badly it makes me cry. I don't think he will ever move back east. He is in Seattle now. I feel anxious in my body all of the time. I like my house a lot but then I hate my neighbor who bought the house next door 15 years ago and starts trouble all of the time. He ruined a fence we had put up to make better neighbors by leaning stuff on it and the town couldn't do anything. I think we should move out west sometime but that would be such a drastic move and I don't know how I would do with that. We have lived in this house for 21 years. I have been doing work in and on the house for over a year and it's starting to look nice again.

I feel like my body betrayed me. I feel like everyone just grows up and dies. Well, not everyone since I have seen many children die. My dog is ill and I brought him to the vet a week ago and I need to have him seen again.

I would like to hear from people who have moved cross country and stayed there. The other thing that has me very worried is the economy. I used to spent $60-70 a week for 5-6-7 of us and Friday I spent $140 on 2 of us. I didn't get anything fancy either. My daughter was home from college this weekend and that was nice but she will go off on her own soon so that will really hurt. I ache.