I think being assertive might help to a degree but it’s likely to cause fights and won’t make it any easier. I am pretty assertive (I am the same way irl as I am here, I am straight forward and don’t buy BS) yet I’ve met a few men who were just not considerate and were self absorbed. Me being assertive didn’t make them less selfish. It’s likely contributed to me not sticking around and leaving them but it sure didn’t change who they were. They were who they were. And they certainly aren’t any different now. It’s just that I am not around. Your wife is who she is