I'm not clear on anything. There are electric shocks throughout my body very frequently. My mind is not my own any more. My thoughts drift to lesser things and I have no picture of a future. I'm spiraling downward. My mind cannot be expected to heal when my body is so far gone and not getting better. I think the surgeon was trying to kill me slowly, and is winning. I sleep 20+ hours most days to keep the pain away. My vision is a little less than focused all the time. I shiver coldly in the bright summer sun. I've failed at this try. I don't feel understood.