So sorry, Yenfen. You have really been dealing with a lot of stuff. Of course, noone here on PC can tell you what illness(es) you may or may not have, that is the job of a psychiatrist and I highly advise you to find one. If you are in an isolated part of Canada, you obviously may have to travel to Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver--whatever is closest to you as an urban center.

All that said, I will just share my personal reaction to what you wrote, as a person with bp 1 for decades. Some of what you mention does sound a bit bipolarish, the sleep issues, the energy, the ecstatic mood, the irritability. A little familiar. The length and density of your paragraphs and the overall length of your post? Also a tad bp 1ish. Maybe. But the violence, that is very, very seldom a part of bipolar 1 or 2. Very rare. Agitation, hell yes. But violence? No.

Bottom line for you is, you are not going to get a quality answer without seeing a quality psychiatrist, in my opinion. Could you have borderline personality disorder? I have no idea. I guess you could have features of it, maybe--but you must get a real opinion as soon as possible to really sort this all out.

Obviously, I do not need to tell you that acts of violence can destroy someone's life and yours. It takes less thatn 5 seconds to completely ruin your life and the life of a bunch of other people. Maybe two seconds or so. So, I urge you to get a formal, real opinion now, so you can avoid such a disaster.

Good luck to you!!!!