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Old Jun 17, 2020, 06:10 AM
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Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,741
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockyRoad007 View Post
I have to second Divine that if there is any hope of saving your marriage, you need marital therapy now, not with the next blowup. It will be too late by then, as you stated you can already feel yourself emotionally withdrawing.

You also don't have to tell him what your reasons are. Just tell him it's best left to discuss in therapy, but they are for the health and happiness of your marriage.
And the bottom line is, therapy may just delay the inevitable anyways.

From what you've posted, he just doesn't seem to be a good fit for you. He sounds like he would be happiest with a sugar mama. Someone taking care of him, doling out his weekly allowance like a ten year old. And I'm not making that wrong, there are women willing to fill that role, especially if they are lonely and rich. They both benefit in their own way. They're using each other, but they're both happy and know it for what it is. He'd be her pet.

I would also like to point out that you want to save money to move. This is a question for a lawyer, but that could be considered joint money, as it was acquired during the course of the marriage, and he would be entitled to half of whatever you save. It would be no different than when a man makes much more than his wife (which sadly is often the case), socks a bunch of money away, divorces his wife, then tries to keep all that money for himself. Judges won't often agree to that.
You will have to look closely at whether it's better to move out using credit, or save knowing you may only be able to keep half of it.

I also acknowledge you seem to truly love your husband, you just don't like him. That makes it very tough.
I do truly love him, and I can say that there are parts of him that I do not like and parts of him I do like.

And thanks for your thoughts. I don't think it will work that way in a divorce here where I live. We haven't been married very long, and the division of "assets'" will likely come down to what we each brought into the marriage (meaning, we will take away what we each brought in). I've read the laws in my state, so I don't think a judge will rule that I have to split any savings I have with my husband. But I do need to check with a lawyer on all details first. I will not move on credit. That's shooting myself in the foot, creating yet another monthly expense for myself.

I am going about this in the way that makes the most sense for me. I want to speak with my therapist and decide with my therapist what is best before doing anything. I am not prepared for the potential fallout that could occur if he says no to therapy right now, and yes, I would have to give him an explanation as to why. I cannot just tell him, we must go to therapy without reasons. Previously, he was against therapy altogether and said if that's ever mentioned, that means the relationship is over. So there's that part of it too.

And yes, he'd probably be better off with a sugar mamma because that's how he sometimes has treated me.
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Thanks for this!
guy1111