Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts
I'm my family's scapegoat. The way I managed is, after my family tried family therapy for about 6 sessions at my behest, they quit because the family therapist called them each out about their toxic behaviors. So, rather than stay and try to repair our relationships with each other, they each quit. That was all I needed from them, to realize that I have to leave them all behind and recreate a family system with other people who come into my life.
You can suggest family counseling but don't expect them all the agree to it. They will be forced to acknowledge their contribution to the dysfunctional family system and most are unwilling to do that, even with the help of a family therapist.
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Honestly, I have attempted the family counseling route once before - my parents both readily agreed, but refused to engage with my brother about it. I tried a roundabout tactic for convincing him, trying to come from the angle of doing it for my dad, who's in a hard place lately, but I suspect he saw right through me. It wasn't until very recently that I realised that his comments about our parents finances were a way to dissuade me from pushing it any further... which worked.
I am afraid that this is exactly what will happen, and that even if I do somehow manage to get them to family counselling, that it won't last - my brother will be the first to ditch, in that scenario, quickly followed by my dad. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
Would it help if you saw a therapist with your parents? Is it possible to visit with them, apart from your brother? This may be a starting ground and an opportunity to hear what they have to say.
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Thank you so much for the kind words - I'll look into the book you recommended, it sounds like just the kind of thing I've been looking for. I have considered pursuing family counseling with my parents, even if it's just them at first, if only to force them to recognise the issues within the family - I strongly suspect I won't be able to convince them otherwise. My parents are open to hearing what I have to say, but actually getting them to do anything about it is another matter entirely.
Plus, frankly, I think everybody in my family could use some counseling. I know my dad sees someone semi-regularly, but he always holds back - he's the type to see things as 'not relevant' and not want to open up to someone about them. That said, getting everybody to go and see someone individually, in addition to family counseling... I'll try to aim for family counseling, first, and see where I get.