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Originally Posted by greenthiefling
Thank you so much for the kind words - I'll look into the book you recommended, it sounds like just the kind of thing I've been looking for. I have considered pursuing family counseling with my parents, even if it's just them at first, if only to force them to recognise the issues within the family - I strongly suspect I won't be able to convince them otherwise. My parents are open to hearing what I have to say, but actually getting them to do anything about it is another matter entirely.
Plus, frankly, I think everybody in my family could use some counseling. I know my dad sees someone semi-regularly, but he always holds back - he's the type to see things as 'not relevant' and not want to open up to someone about them. That said, getting everybody to go and see someone individually, in addition to family counseling... I'll try to aim for family counseling, first, and see where I get.
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I'm only a chapter into the book so far. A friend of mine recommended it and said it was a definite worthwhile read. I hope it helps.
As for counseling, it would be great to have your parents on board but it sounds like you've already tried this. Maybe what needs to happen instead is for you to attend counseling alone so you can learn to be at peace and accept the past as it was? Maybe through your own healing process, your parents' triggers won't affect you as much and you'll manage at a more positive level. It's a hopeful idea, anyway.
Personally, I'd have a no-contact with your brother for as long as he's in denial about his role in everything. He may be a victim of circumstance (as the book may point out) but it doesn't give him rights to abuse others. We can't blame our dysfunctional childhood upbringing and do absolutely nothing about it as an excuse to live carelessly.