I'm glad I am meeting with my T on Saturday, but today I am way tempted to call him. I feel off, again. I'm mad at myself for taking a break from grad school. I'm frustrated that I can't do what I want for a job, that my body stops me at every turn. During undergrad I was going to go out for music, but my plans changed when I had surgery on my wrist. I thought I was going for accounting, but I'm glad that fizzled. Now I am trying to go for counseling and I get told to take a term off and get my life in order, and get healthy enough to continue.

Now I'm wondering will I ever do what I want or will my mind and body stop me?! I don't want to have a mental illness, I want recovery, but I feel so far from that.

Am I even going in the right direction? I feel so lost!! I don't have friends that I can see, even if the virus wasn't an issue. I live with my parents and I"m 32! IS there anything out there that I can do without my body getting in my way?


I keep running and I want to run again. I don't want to face this. I don't want to call. Yet I think I should. But will I???