Well, somewhat tragic discovery for me this afternoon. I am now confirming that some real depression is back. No question about it now. Had a tiny amount of my old "miracle" anitidepressant, which I cannot take due to side effects--hypertension, akathesia. Decided I needed more information because I just have not been able to figure out what is going on with me lately with all this fatigue and feeling like I am high and no ability to get anything accomplished. So, I took what I had. It is an almost immediate onset of action. An hour later--presto! Feel completely euthymic. Motivated to work. Even laughed at something on the TV. Feel totally fine. Better than in weeks.

Already on a pretty good dose of Wellbutrin and two mood stabilizers. Not sure where else to go. Cymbalta is the only other AD that has ever worked for me. Even MAOIs were worthless for me. I've been on maybe 12 or 13 ADs over the years. So, probably will just have to ride this out. Never had it in summer before, I don't think.

Pretty sure I would do awesomely on ketamine, but I am self-pay, so, not an option. You can buy it on the black market for super cheap, kids use it to get high, which it just insane. Who in their right mind would want to dissociate and get serotonin syndrome? That's like, fun?

So, more exercise. Meditate. Pray. Try to make myself do things I don't want to do. It always helps me to take some kind of action. Clean, dishes, laundry. Actually, am doing laundry right now for first time in week. embarassing.