This is hard but it's the only time I'm ever going to feel able to post. I have struggled since a young age, was with camhs (UK) since I was 8 for an eating disorder. Since I was 17 I have had a BPD diagnosis. I have been prescribed antidepressants most of which I have reacted badly to. Either making me suicidal or making me unable to feel at all or physically very unwell. I was finally prescribed a low dose of trazadone and had no side effects, but no benefit.
Now, I have a new psychiatrist. She said from the start (3 weeks ago) she had read my notes but was paying little attention because things hadn't been working and she wanted to get to know me and my issues personally. I adore her, she's a sweetheart. She's the first pysch I have felt has actually listened. She is also the first psych that has suggested bipolar and has me writing a mood diary. Today - she has removed me abruptly from all existing medications (trazadone and pregabalin) and prescribed me diazepam and zopiclone as prn because she feels I'm experiencing a hypomanic episode.
I don't know if I feel comfortable taking it. I am happy. Very happy. I have energy to clean, cook, exercise, play with my 3 year old. I feel good. I have not slept longer than 1 hour in 8 days at least. I have OCD and my house finally feels clean and organised. I feel like she's trying to take my happy away. Trying to take my energy away. Trying to strip my child of any emotional intelligence he'll receive from his mother. I feel paranoid, I feel agitated. Like why can I not just enjoy my energy?
Im not even sure I agree with the diagnosis.
I have experienced episodes of intense psychosis. I thought I was jesus because I physically could not die (
, wasn't depressed, just needed to prove a point), I have had periods of being very high, I have had drug and alcohol issues, I have very very low points. But I always attributed everything to bpd because that's the diagnosis I was told I had.
Has anyone else been misdiagnosed? Has anyone experienced such a sudden shift?
I'm feeling very paranoid and reluctant. I feel like people are trying to control my mind. I just want to be happy for my child.