Well, a very difficult situation, passive, for sure, and one I have been on your husband's side of. For context, I was married for 15 years and then, in an unmarried parnership for another fairly long time.

When my wife started treating me badly, I should have left. Really wish I had. But we had a child and I wished to make it work. So, I put up with a lot of abuse for years. Finally, I decided to leave. Then, as I was planning my exit, she apologized and begged me to stay. I did, then, she started in with her old ways again.

Having been in your H's shoes, he is likely hoping this is some kind of temporary phase. The best thing you can do for him and for you is to be very direct with him. You do not want to live with him anymore. Period. You are leaving, at such and such time. The end. There is no possible way to do this and not devastate him, so don't even try. He may be very angry with you. He may become depressed. It is just what happens.

I am 56 now and have had a reasonable number of women whom I clearly have loved. What I have concluded from all this is that I actually do not know what the phrase "...in love..." means. To me, it refers to the drug-induced state couples experience when they are in earlyish days. This is temporary and compleely irrational and is, from a brain perspective, essentially, a drug. To my knowledge, it is not possible for the human brain to keep this up over the long haul. So, we are left with "love," whatever exactly that is. Just my take.

Do what you have to do. It will be very hard and very painful. But you will get through it and so will he. Your child is the one to worry about, in my experience.