Hello, I am not currently in crisis or in need of help regarding depression, I would just like to discuss a topic that I have been coming back to for over a decade now. I am seemingly unable to let it go, even after such a long time.
When I was 17 I tried to end my life. It seems ridiculous to even call it that because looking back I realise that it is extremely unlikely that I would have succeeded and the whole plan wasn't very well thought through in the first place. I can't even say for sure whether the decision came from a place of real desperation or if I was just being dramatic.
Fact is, I overdosed. My brother found me and realised what I had done, he dragged me into the bathroom and forced his fingers down my throat. I simply felt completely degraded.
Afterwards I tried to prepare myself for the consequences. But... they never came. My brother never brought up the subject again. If he did tell our mother what I had done she chose to ignore it. Up until today I don't know if anyone knows. If the rest of the family are aware then they simply didn't care enough to question me about it.
Today I am 30 years old and the relationship with my family isn't exactly warm, to say the least.
I never actually wanted them to know about it or having them do something about it, yet them simply ignoring this incident felt like just another proof of how much they do not give a damn about it.